In the modern age, we’re all looking for ways to
cut corners save time. Life hacks are a flawless idea to take the long way in completing otherwise simple tasks… and you know what they say, it’s the journey that matters! Here’s a handful of tips so you can live your best life, uninterrupted by doing anything with real meaning.
Short on packing peanuts? Use the real thing!
When sending a package, isn’t it always a hassle to do it properly? All those packing materials can be so unwieldy, but using a few cupfuls of peanuts in place of Styrofoam will ensure whatever you’re sending certainly gets there! Probably in one piece! As a bonus, anyone will a peanut allergy involved in the transportation of the package will probably die, a great step in culling the weak!
Lost your earmuffs? Your dog has plenty of extra fur!
Winter is here and the first frost has fallen. Meanwhile, your pathetic little ears are chilly. If you’ve misplaced your earmuffs, pull out those clippers and call Fido over! A quick shave later, you’ll have more than enough fur to warm your extremities. What was that mutt using it for anyway?
Need to hide a body fast? Industrial wood chippers work quick!
Listen, it happens. Maybe the dumb broad left a stain on your favorite polo, maybe the selfish prick hooked up with your sister. Now you’ve got a corpse and a whole lot of inquisitive family members to deal with. Dispose of that carcass on the double by renting a wood chipper and pointing it at a lake. If you’re a fan of fishing, save some of the juicier chunks to use as chum!
Noisy neighbors? Dress up as a specter and spook them!
Filing a noise complaint is obnoxious, isn’t it? Instead of trying to deal with all that bureaucratic bullshit, here’s an alternative solution- buy some ragged robes, clanky chains, and haunt ’em till they’re gone! Isn’t that so much easier than communicating with them directly?
LEGO sets too expensive? Buy Megabloks!
Likewise, buy Roseart instead of Crayola, go to Atlantic City instead of Vegas, and watch Heathcliff instead of Garfield.
Trying to consume less sugar? Cut your cocaine with Splenda instead!
Instead of diluting your nose candy with all that unhealthy sugar, use an artificial sweetener. Aspartame is totally healthy, so no need to worry about putting toxins in your body. Roll up that Benjamin and get to work on your new-and-improved diet coke!
Life Hacks That Will Make You Say “Wow! That’s So Much More Inefficient Than Just Doing It Normally!”
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