Orange Juice Preference Is More Divisive Than Any Other Issue

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Pulp or no pulp? Unlike arguments over petty things like political party, religion, or whether or not women should be allowed to vote, everybody has an opinion on orange juice. Kids drink it before they can even speak coherently, and are more-than-ready to scream their preference at you.

There’s no real “right” answer, unless you’re trying to be correct, in which case “no pulp” is the right answer. What, you enjoy drinking slimy chunks with your juice? Freak. Try making a mimosa with pulp filled OJ sometime, I dare you.

If anyone tells you that they like orange juice with OR without pulp, they’re a lizard disguised as a human, and you’re on the hook to get rid of them. Grab your guns; remember not to let the blood touch you! It’s highly acidic and will burn your skin off.

Beyond acid blood, the lizard people, also known as Tropicanites, have a few more tricks up their scaly sleeves you’ll wanna look out for. Stand back at least two meters to minimize exposure to fire breath, and do your best to avoid being scratched by the beings retractable claws.

As far as weaknesses go, break that champagne flute from your mimosa and aim for the eyes. Blinding the reptilian tends to prompt a retreat, but your job isn’t done! Trace your prey to its underground hive and smoke it out, only you can save us. The world is in your hands now. Godspeed.

So, pulp or no pulp?

Orange Juice Preference Is More Divisive Than Any Other Issue.

Join the revolution, serve under @JeffShutUp, and stop drinking pulp.