PHILADELPHIA – It always seems to be raining when Jeff Vernier, local wannabe, moves into a new place. Whether bad luck, poor planning, or another one of God’s punishments for his consistent acts of sacrilege, the self-proclaimed “Cherry Kid” is no stranger to a downpour. We have him here live in the studio… wait, quick correction- in his studio apartment, with an exclusive interview conducted by myself, Misfit Mementos’ star reporter, Jeff Vernier.
Jeff Vernier: I’d like to thank you for joining us today.
Jeff Vernier: Oh, happy to. Anytime.
Jeff Vernier: So, how’ve you been filling your time lately?
Jeff Vernier: Like, generally? Well, I recorded an hour or so’s worth of content for the Misfit Mementos podcast, which was a nice project to work on, maybe I can finally make some money from this. Not that I’m in it for the money! I just- you know, I like money. After finishing all that, I thought about taking a trip… it’s nice to get away.
Jeff Vernier: Where’d you head this time?
Jeff Vernier: New York, where else? Half my friends have evacuated the city, do you know how many open couches that leaves me to squat on? …It’s one, for reference.
Jeff Vernier: Of course! I’m sure the job search went much easier there.
Jeff Vernier: The what?
Jeff Vernier: Job search.
Jeff Vernier: Oh, I heard something totally different. I thought you said “job search”. That would be silly to do now, because-
Mr. Vernier produced a wheel like you might spin on a game show. Each colorfully divided portion of the circle had a new and exciting excuse scrawled on it in hurried all-caps handwriting. He gave it a turn, and the pointer landed on an old favorite.
Jeff Vernier: I’m not looking for a job now because I think acting is going to pick back up soon. Thank you for the question.
Jeff Vernier: What else will you do in place of that?
Jeff Vernier: This couch is cozy… I’ll probably spend some time glued to it in the next few days. Once I get back though, things are gonna get a little busier. I don’t know if you know, but I’ll be writing two articles a week for Misfit Mementos now.
Jeff Vernier: Really?
Jeff Vernier: Apparently.
Jeff Vernier: Does this have anything to do with the year anniversary of Misfit Mementos you’ve just celebrated? How symbolic for you to do this interview after your first year seriously writing.
Jeff Vernier: I mean, you’re two days late on the anniversary… and I just thought of this bit an hour ago. Happy accident.
Jeff Vernier: Please don’t call names. Besides, I haven’t been happy in years.
Jeff Vernier: Okay.
Jeff Vernier: Final question. You’ve pretended to talk to a lot of great people in these mock interviews, do you have a favorite?
Jeff Vernier: Next time just put a worm on a string if you’re that desperate to fish for compliments, come on. I have plans to pretend to talk to way more famous people though. I’ve only been sued once and want to hit at least double digits before I’m thirty.
Jeff Vernier: That’s fair. Sorry. Are there any closing statements you’d like to make?
Jeff Vernier: If I did, I would’ve.
Jeff Vernier: No satisfying wrap-up though? No recognition of what the last year was like, and how you’ve-
Jeff Vernier: Nope. Have fun, take care, be cool. I have a couch to melt into.
Jeff Vernier left his studio and began his trip. For once, it was finally sunny.
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Happy one year of Misfit Mementos.
Special thanks to Déjà Jade and The Dodson Family.