Honing my skills as a psychic medium wasn’t easy. For years as a child I saw shadow people out of the corner of my eye, or heard noises when nothing was there. I always knew I was destined for greatness- and now, through years of practice, I’m able to communicate freely with the ethereal plane and speak to spirits. All it took was intense focus and not taking my Seroquel prescription anymore.
The shadows are whispering, can you hear them? They call out, incessantly. First I tried to ignore them, then suppress them with doctor-prescribed medication, but I see the value in their words now. Two psychiatrists and six therapists all tried to claim I was schizophrenic… but I’m not crazy, they just want to protect me from this sick sad world. “They” being the spirits I mean. Doctors are quacks.
This Ouija board said I was making the right choice by dumping out my medicine, so checkmate, neuroscientists! Increase my dosage? I don’t think so, my tarot cards recommended the opposite.
I offer readings, of course. Want to know what your guardian spirit looks like? Want to speak to grandma one last time? Easy, I have full confidence in my abilities- what more could I need?
Look into my crystal ball… can’t you see how refractive it is? That Pink Floyd album cover has nothing on this. Do you see the future I see? One day, spirituality won’t just be a joke people mock on the Internet. It will be taught far and wide and respected for its’ wonders. No bratty high schooler will dare skip MetaPhysical Education, or risk the harshest of jinxes from their classmates.
It will be terrifying and it will be beautiful.
Now if you’ll please excuse me, I have a bushel of sage to pick up for a cleansing burn. The moon is in retrograde, or something like that, I’ll have to check my coven’s group chat again for the details.
I Got Into Spiritualism By Speaking With Ghosts Of My Ancestors, And Also Quitting Antipsychotics.
This will probably lead to some wannabe witches hexing me, if you want to know exactly what direction to angrily stir your cauldron in, follow me on Twitter.
Special thanks to Déjà Jade and The Dodson Family.
Cover photo by James Fitzgerald on Unsplash.