Worst: Yoshi eggs.
I mean, I know this is like beating a dead horse at this point, but come on! What are they? Yoshis do indeed hatch from them, but they’re also made when a Yoshi eats something? Does this mean those are eggs? Does Yoshi biology work where a Yoshi gets fertilized from the seed of what it’s digesting? That sounds gross. Or–it’s just fancy poop. Also something I’m not too keen on eating. Either way, when Yoshi throws its egg it pops and doesn’t have anything inside, which is the part of an eggs one eats, so no matter what it actually is I’m willing to go out on a limb to say it’s unappetizing at best, and literally inedible at worst.
Best: Mystic Egg from Paper Mario the Thousand-Year Door
This one is also mysterious, but that’s what makes me crave for it so much. The only way to get it is to play a game with Petuni in the Boggly Woods. Then she just gives you this egg with some light gray stripes on it. Where does it come from? There are no bird enemies in the Boggly Woods. The Jabbies seem to be more like insects than birds, at least that’s what I always thought they were supposed to be. Do Punis lay eggs? I certainly hope that’s not what Petuni is doing. Either way, it always looked like it would be a delicious egg to me, especially if the stripes are natural.
Worst: Li’l Oinks from Paper Mario
Okay, I know I just talked about Paper Mario, but Li’l Oinks are like the worst pigs ever. They come from little orbs that you have to break from a hammer. Are they eggs? Are these reptilian pigs? Or maybe they’re little gacha capsules meaning the pigs are, what, artificial? That would explain why they’re not 2D sprites like the rest of the living creatures in the Paper Mario world. But even if they were regular pigs, they also glow and whatnot. There are gold and silver variants that even if naturally occurring, wouldn’t leave me believing in how scrumptious they’d be.
I don’t know if Pokémon are cheating, but Tepig seems like it would be interesting to eat. It’s a fire pig. This would seem to imply that its hide is pretty fire resistant. But what if we can still cook it? Would it have to be done at an extreme heat? Would it be able to be fried magically or psychically? All I’m saying is, because it appears that a traditional method of heating it up seems unlikely, a more creative (and hopefully tasty) method would be necessary, to create an entirely unique breakfast meat. Alternatively, the heat within it means a Tepig basically cooks itself. It’d be eating bacon without all the prep work!
Worst: Xananab from Donkey Kong: Jungle Climber.
The Donkey Kong games have a knack for making unattractive character designs. I legitimately almost made the pig from DKC Returns the worst bacon prospect based solely on how ugly he looked. But no, Xananab isn’t just unappealing from an aesthetic sense, but rather, from an edibility sense. It’s big, it’s got eyes, it’s got freaky banana legs. I’d rather eat a Mario Kart banana peel off the ground than this monstrosity. Also, honorable mention to the Banana Bird from Donkey Kong Country; which despite being a mixture of two wonderful food items somehow looks like it would taste like the worst aspects of each individual dish.
Best: Whispy Woods apples from Kirby
In the original Kirby’s Dreamland, the first boss of the game could only attack Kirby two ways: blowing wind and dropping apples. Since then, these delicious looking fruits have become a staple of the Kirby games. The apples in the Kirby games from this grand tree tend to be almost as big as Kirby himself, and look almost as succulent to boot. I could imagine biting into the apple and being overwhelmed with how wonderfully juicy the whole ordeal is. I bet if you befriend Whispy he makes his apples taste even better. After all, what’s the best ingredient in any dish? Love.
Best and Worst Nintendo Breakfast Foods.