The man, the myth, the not-yet-prosecuted cat killer Clay Dixon is a curious case. On one hand, I’d love to praise him for his fantastic musical ability. On the other, he brutally murdered my precious Mr. Whiskers and I’ll never forgive him. Due to contractual obligations, I sat down with the bastard and had a nice little chat about his future plans.
Jeff Vernier: God damnit, we’re really doing this, aren’t we?
Clay Dixon: You know it babe.
Jeff Vernier: I- what? Okay, so let’s start. When did you start playing music?
Clay Dixon: Funny story, so there I was at five years old-
Jeff Vernier: Riveting. Next question, why do you hate cats so much? Mine, specifically.
Clay Dixon: Okay. Sure. Well I’d like to go on record and say there is no proof I hit that fugly feline you liked so much, so…
Jeff Vernier: You were the only person around when he died.
Clay Dixon: You’d be hard-pressed to find any evidence I committed whatever you claim I did.
Jeff Vernier: You had on a shirt that said ‘#KittenStomp’.
Clay Dixon: A collectors item from the percussive dance troupe’s cat-themed spinoff show.
Jeff Vernier: You were holding his fucking corpse, Clay!
Clay Dixon: Like a grieving mother!
Jeff Vernier: Like a psychopath with blood on his boots! Look, what’re you here to advertise? I’ll say the slogan and you can just go.
He plays instruments, he sings, and he successfully avoids imprisonment despite my best efforts. Check out his new project, Clay Dixon and the Piccadillies. It’s “folking awesome”, according to the bloodstained frontman. How clever.
If you’re unfortunate enough to be in Gainesville, Florida, you can see them play live at The High Dive on September 30th, 2021. No pets allowed.
A Legally Obligated Interview With Clay Dicklick, Mediocre Musician And Kitten-Stomping Maniac.
RIP Mr. Whiskers, stomped but not forgotten.