After Seven Months In Quarantine, I Don’t Mind A Poltergeist In The Toaster

If you told me in March that I’d be welcoming a ghost just to keep me company, I’d never believe you. If you told me over 200,000 of my countrymen would be dead from an uncontrolled plague largely sustained through selfishness and poor administration, I probably would though. That many deaths before their time has led to a serious increase in hauntings, and despite my best efforts, my home is infected. I have a poltergeist living in my toaster.

It’s been a couple weeks now, but my new ethereal roommate and I are getting along so well it’s scary. Who would’ve thought? I noticed something was up when I went to make my third piece of toast for the evening and it came out burned with the message, “lay off the carbs”. First of all, rude. Second of all, my family is from Italy so carbs don’t count anyway. Thirdly, holy shit, I finally had company!

Maybe under other circumstances this would frighten me. Under other circumstances, I wouldn’t have to to avoid seeing my closest friends, I could avoid them by choice like usual. I’ve spent the last couple weeks getting to know this toaster-ghost, Ghoaster. They have a few bad housemate habits- you know… loud moaning, rattling chains, premonitions of my death. Besides those hiccups I’m just so glad to have a pal.

Apparently the big thing stopping Ghoaster’s ascension was that they never made a truly great bagel. I’ve gotten half a dozen free bagels every week from the food bank I’ve had to frequent after losing my job, but if making a good one means Ghoaster would ghost me, I’m never spreading cream cheese on one again. This dark presence is the closest to warmth I’ve felt in months.

New cases are at an all time high, so I’ll be in lockdown for the foreseeable future. Until I’m sure it’s safe to leave (as in, the CDC says it’s safe) me and Ghoaster will be together. There’s so much to learn about them, so many new messages to have burned into my bread! No one is unhaunting this studio apartment. No one is going anywhere.

After Seven Months In Quarantine, I Don’t Mind A Poltergeist In The Toaster.