John Dichenbalse has been subjected to dirty looks and confusion ad nauseum since he first began using foreign phrases in casual conversation. Friends and coworkers have asked him en masse to cut down on the unnecessary words, but John has refused. According to him, using any language he wants to express himself is his modus operandi and he had carte blanche to speak however he pleases.
John’s amour propre landed him in a spot of trouble recently however; while Dichenbalse holds himself in beau idéal, a fellow member of his gym didn’t see eye to eye with him. After embarrassing himself by bumping into Sally Clitan-Labia, he asked to keep their accidental vis-à-vis entre nous. Clitan-Labia, a member of the local rowing team and three time regional boxing champion, heard this as a double entendre and demonstrated force majeure by suplexing John into a rowing machine. The femme fatale dealt a coup de grâce by pinning him under a barbell, and didn’t realize her faux pas until gym security took reports from both parties.
The blitzkreig left Dichenbalse with a new zeitgeist and quite the katzenjammer. Realizing his phrasing was unheimlich, he felt disassociated from the spiels he’d notoriously deliver, like he was a doppelganger in his own skin. Instilled with a new sense of wanderlust, he vowed not to be the subject of schadenfreude any longer. He’s now planning a trip nationwide to find himself- hopefully avoiding stepping in the scheiße of making people translate his words along the way.
Smug Prick Who Insists On Using Foreign Phrases Gets An Ass Kicking Non Pareil.
For a real taste of culture, follow Eden Vernier on Twitter—look at that last name, they’re obviously not from here.
Misfit Mementos 