Modelling and bloodsport have always gone hand-in-hand.
In an effort to mix things up for the 25th and alleged final cycle of the show, executive producer of “America’s Next Top Model”, Tyra Banks, went all out in giving the audience a great show. The select contestants who have the honor of participating have been shipped to an undisclosed location somewhere east of Serpent’s Trench, a volatile and inhospitable land. In place of typical photoshoots and runway challenges, things are turned up to 11 and the winner will be the last model surviving… literally. Armed with only their wits, waterproof foundation, and bloodlust, this cycle promises to hold some of the toughest challenges the models have had to face yet.
“A model should always be ready for whatever the business has to throw at them,” stated Banks, scraping blood from an unknown source out from under her acrylic fingernails. “A CoverGirl can do it all. I’d expect nothing less from any of these girls.”
Cliques are a given in these competitions. Within the first week, a handful of contestants formed an alliance and worked to build a raft to try and escape the island. Before they could catch the breeze and set off, an opposing team ambushed them and battered the would-be deserters to death with Sephora brand iron flails. It just goes to show- a model should always be able to provide their own wind.
Models from previous cycles have had to endure plenty of hardships themselves. Long time fans will always remember Cycle 457 BCE, where the gals were tasked with cleaning the Augean Stables, killing the Nemean Lion, and beheading the Hydra- all while delivering a killer runway walk. It was only after the capture of Cerebus that first time model, Meg Delphi, took home first place. She was awarded a 100,000 drachma contract and posed for vases throughout her career.
Perhaps the signs of Banks’ deranged attitude have always been there. In an Instagram Live interview, former creative director Jay Manuel publicly denounced some of the more drastic changes to models’ appearances. “I knew Tyra always wanted to bring attention to disability not stopping anyone from modelling, but severing Eloise’s leg to replace it with a prosthetic… fuck, man,” Manuel said, obviously distraught. “There was this one time she knew this girl was proud of her beautiful blue eyes- Tyra wanted to pluck them out, right there. Literally, me and Nigel Barker had to restrain her or she would’ve done it.”
There’s always been controversy surrounding America’s Next Top Model. Whether it be fixing a tooth gap or spilling the blood of your peers, models have always been asked to do some outrageous things. In the end, though, it’s all worth it for the ratings. Do you know how much ad-time murder sells? That’s showbiz baby.
Unhinged Tyra Banks Sends America’s Next Top Model Contestants To Remote Island For Battle Royale.
If this fountain of controversy isn’t enough for you, follow @JeffShutUp for another healthy dose of it.
Special thanks to Déjà Jade and The Dodson Family.
Cover Photo by Carla Cervantes on Unsplash.
Misfit Mementos 